The author's notes for each chapter before the suicide note:
>I hate my life smmmm, i have a bad foot that hurts everytime i walk and i have to walk around all day tomorrow for school ;-; I wish i could just stay off but i cant since its the first day. I also wanna kms, i have a damn ugly buzzcut and i know ill get bullied for it, i already do. I also dont even know if i wanna talk to any of my friends but one, ive only talked to one all summer and i feel like the rest hate me and just put up with me out of pity, theyve done it to someone else before and i just feel like they will because im an unlikable piece of shit, I genuinely wanna get a knife from my kitchen and stab myself, or i might jump off a bridge on the way to school, ive thought about it for months and nobody would miss me, nobody even likes me anyways. Sorry for that lil dump, teehee, i promise im fine just overreacting a little.
>Im having bad thoughts again so i wrote this to cheer myself up :3 Dont worry, i'm not gonna listen to them, my thoughts are dumb and stupid so i never listen to em. Also sorry if im being depressing, i don't mean to be, i usually just write whatever in the notes.
>Im so annoyed rn, in school ppl were kicking and stepping on my bag so it has lots of dirt on it and they flung glue onto my blazer ;-; I then had to sit next to them next lesson too so i had to listen to them talk about me, my haircut and everything else I hate about myself, while i just sit there and try not to do anything, by the time i got to go home my entire body was shaking and i could barely walk. Also my spanish teacher thinks im depressed now, which I am but im not admitting to that, but its nice she noticed im sad, she's the only person irl who has so far.
>I love getting called slurs and being told death threats while at school. I also love being told to kill myself and having glue sticks thrown at me. I also adore having someone admit to bullying me since year 8 so after I convinced myself I was just overreacting I now have to look at it all again and remember every single incident which is sad since now I can't blame myself for it so I cant even control it. :3
>So today my parents were out and I decided to see how much pressure it would take for a knife to break skin, i didnt actually bleed or get cut or anything but i pressed one against my neck to see how far I could go without it hurting then I took a few knives and saw how far I could press down on my arm before a mark was left to find the best one for it. Dont worry, i haven't actually goten hurt or anything but I just felt very depressed for a while but now I'm feeling a bit better. I also found out the best and sharpest knife to use for my arms and throat if i ever do decide to stop being a pussy, but dont worry, I probably wont since I still need to finish this. I'm not sure why but it kinda felt satisfying to do, like im scared to death of pain and i cry at papercuts but the fact i done it to myself made me not as scared, i still was but it was mostly anxiety, teehee. :3