>>49723
idk, ive been trying to think about stuff like that a lot lately. the most defining features of how i raised are probably my super bpd mom (whose blood runs through me…) and being raised really intensely in the Mormon church and believing in it (or at least masking belief for a really, really long time because it was just what was expected and what I was told was the right thing to do by everyone around me for the first 18 years of my life). i think having to mask most negative emotions or feelings for a really long time almost leads me to be more expressive with my negativity around the people i love (which i hate and feel terribly guilty about) because i don’t feel comfortable expressing those feelings around people who don’t know me well. sometimes the brattiness is just because ive wound up kind of sadomasochistic; either i get put in my place in some metaphysical sense which gives me a rush (and being humiliated sort of makes me drop my guise) or i get to win and sort of jokingly assert my dominance over someone else. i think some of it also is just attention-seeking behavior, i was very distant and impersonal with my parents for most of my childhood either because of church stuff or because my mom was constantly fighting with my older sisters or attending college and that was a VERY stressful environment to grow up in