/s4s/ - anime pillow fight

hey bby wan som fuk

>>46583
sometimes. but other times I feel like I don’t even experience sexual desire anymore.

>>46581 (OP) 
stupid

you think too much

>>46597
u think too little

>>46597
yeah i know. i guess its just been hard to distract myself and get out of the negative thought patterns lately. even when i recognize im in the midst of a mood swing, its so hard to get out of it all alone

>>46581 (OP) 
Than just type about it on this board if your in a moodswing?

something in my apartment smells like my ex-girlfriend it's rally annoying

>>46603
i could but thats cringe and kind of gay and im insecure about my illogical and volatile emotions

>>46581 (OP) 
I have a similar situation and I started typing it out but got too scared and deleted it. I hope you will find happiness and comfort, just keep fighting through this horrible situation and eventually it will pay off, keep being strong fren.

>>46607
it's my least favorite part of slow boards too i cant be too cringe theres no crowd to hide behind boohohoho

i get lonely, but mostly because i'm being ignored. i feel like i'm enslaved in a way, more than i am in a loving bond, the more i bump into the upper limits of this love. not saying it's entirely bad, just sometimes oppressive, and lends me towards a tendency to emotional extremes. 

the only person who hasn't ignored me, is Jesus, and thank God for that because nobody wants to love a crazy person.

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literally all eyes are on this thread right now go ahead OP say something stir our feelings

>>46618
fine. i feel really, really lonely all the time lately. i had someone i was really close and somewhat attached to for a while, but we drifted apart and i never communicated my needs and stuff well, and i was probably something higher-maintenance than what she was looking for anyways, even though i really did everything to suppress myeslf, which totally killed me in a different way. i have maybe 1 or 2 people in the entire world that are willing to put up with me at times but i feel like i treat the people closest to me the worst because theyre the ones who see me and hear me when im moody and upset and volatile and sensitive. theres no one irl i remotely feel close to or understood by and most of my attempts to find people like that or connect with people i think are cool just totally fall flat and i dont know why. people just seem to have different tastes, hobbies, and entirely different ways of thinking than me. its all i can do to distract myself through the day to day and try to make improvements to my life but i literall ylive paycheck to paycheck and the stress that puts me under leaves me in a bad mood almost all of the time. my mood swings are so bad and it just makes me doubt my own feelings and perception of reality all of the time. i dont think ive had any hope for the future for a really long time, im just holding on in case of a miracle, even though life has taught me over and over again that miracles dont come, it's up to me to change my own life. it's just so hard doing it alone. the more i lean towards self-sufficiency and emotional independence the more i hate and resent other people, and the more i lean towards vulnerability and asking for help the more dependent and needy i become. it feels like i cant win either way and i dont even want to subject anyone to me. i recognize right now im at a real emotional low and ill probably feel better in an hour or a day or however long it takes, but either way im just tired of it all and im so desperate for so many things to change. i dont think the life im living could be further from my ideals

>>46625
> i recognize right now im at a real emotional low and ill probably feel better in an hour or a day or however long it takes
yeah, man. take some time to take care of yourself. recognize/identify your needs and do your best to fulfill them. try avoiding the stressful stuff for now and try to create a comfy atmosphere you enjoy. when you feel refreshed, you'll probably have more energy to really figure out the complicated emotional stuff, so don't worry about it, just rest for now.

>>46645
that's what ive been trying to get better at lately. it just sucks cuz time is the only thing that can help a lot of the time. my family has a crazy history of depression, ocd, bpd, probably some autism, some schizophrenia in some distant cousins, and i was raised SUPER hardcore mormon which i feel like really messed with my sense of self and view of the world and how i see everything. i was planning on resting and chilling all day until my mom called me out of nowhere telling me i had to do all this shit and she just straight up bullies me into agreeing into whatever she says all the time idk why i just dont stand up for myself but half the time when i think im "standing up for myself" i look back later and im like "damn i was just being a bitch for no reason" LOL

>>46652
what did she want you to do?

>>46669
ahhh she was pressuring me to come out for family pictures in a few weeks and telling me to fill out my fafsa (which i know i should do) or she was kicking me off her insurance xd it's not that big of a deal but it really upset me at the time cuz it completely changed my plans for the day

i dunno it's just like basically every aspect of my life has seriously degraded over the lost 6 months and im trying for the life of me to hold on but im just so fragile and sensitive and unstable so often it feels like an eternal uphill battle

>>46671
you're in no emotional state to do anything right now, so take the time to rest, anon. you will get to everything in time, just recharge for now.

>>46674
yeah i just feel guilty because even though i feel like im getting better some days it's just like most of the time in life im not in an emotional state to do anything its so stupid lol