>>25916
>i bet you're gonna tell me I shouldn't use hair conditioner as lube next
You're a grown ass man. Buy real lube.
>hair conditioner as lube
You shouldn't be putting essential oils in your ass (=in your bloodstream), no.
If you're stealing your mom's stuff for ghetto anal you'd be using moisturizer rather than conditioner probably but in either case the better strat would be to find a safe vegetable oil and use that.
>im gonna put a condom on it it's fine
Why.
Just buy a decent dildo instead.
Also the real answer to 'beginner dildo' is to buy prostate masagers and buttplugs to start with, and get hooked to jerking off with something pressing on your insides, rather than buying something that's only good for larp. Soft silicon buttplugs, stainless steel buttplugs and prostate massagers, aneros style hard plastic prostate massagers.
Buy a soft silicon dildo with a broad rounded head (that tapers up/down on the head, don't buy a horsecock style flat headed thing) and a smaller dildo that widens gently from the head out to the bottom of the shaft. May want a medial ring or taper to the base or something on the lower half of the later.
What you want from there depends on what kind of stuff you like or want to explore more (thrusting machine and appropriate dildos, wider plugs, long dildos, etc.)