/s4s/ - anime pillow fight

i can hear these two fucking through my screen

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i gave up on being cute and became a hermit
now i spend all day microdosing with ediblels and daydreaming about my husbando and i havent gone outside in three years :^)

>>18305
Dang, sounds grim
So for you it was just a phase that you've grown out of

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>>18307
i dont think it was a phase per se, it just didnt make me as happy as i thought it would. i have le schizotypal disorder and being around people is rly unpleasant for me, being pretty helped a lot with that and was good for my self confidence in general but it wasn't enough to make me genuinely enjoy being social. it was nice getting compliments and i even did a little modeling work but at the end of the day it was very hollow and i knew it wouldn't last forever no matter what. i tried to convince myself it was worth all the discomfort and effort and expense by hoping that somehow being cute would lead to a real relationship with someone whose presence doesnt make me feel awful, but of course it doesnt work that way. it mostly just lead to internet weirdos :c 
im a lot happier now that im more honest with myself, being a shutin isnt ideal but until i can move out of the city its the lesser evil

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>>18310
I see, thank you for sharing. I can relate to being uncomfortable around too many people, feels like I'm being watched
Do you think you would've stayed in and felt better in a relationship if that someone wasn't just a horny weirdo lusting after your looks but instead cared for you as a human being as well? I assume thats what you were hoping for but never found :( ? 
Im happy to hear you feel somewhat better though

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>>18311
>Do you think you would've stayed in and felt better in a relationship if that someone wasn't just a horny weirdo lusting after your looks but instead cared for you as a human being as well? I assume thats what you were hoping for but never found :( ? 
thats what i thought at the time, but i dont think i was being honest with myself. ive had a lot of friends who i think really did cared about me as a person but they all still made me intensely uncomfortable. no matter how nice and friendly they were i hated being around them, it would get a little better with a lot of time and exposure but i could never get comfortable enough to genuinely want to spend time with anyone. every time i went outside id tell myself that itll go away eventually and maybe ill meet someone who doesnt hurt to be around or ill find some place where i dont feel like im being watched by inanimate objects but it never happened. 
its probably for the best though, if i had found someone and it ended up not working out i think id probably an hero lole. tbdesu i dont think im capable of truly loving another human