>>16961
>I have no conversations with psychologists here
You definitely have to search for a better psych ward, what the fuck
I advise you to search for a psychologist, and try to solve your problems not by medication, but by psychotherapy, because meds are definitely not working. Just search the web, like
"*your city name* psychologist"
Search for people who are professionalized in schizophrenia and depression. Tell them that medication is not working for you, and what you just said here. I'm pretty sure they can help you.
>>16962
And quit that shit already, alcohol just makes schizophrenia and depression worse (by a lot). If you can't do it by yourself, try a rehabilitation clinic.
Also: If you fake your own death, people will get angry, really angry. You play with their feelings, and nobody likes that. If you scream wolf too much, people will stop caring about you even more. Nobody wants you to die, especially Matty and me, he's trying to help you too, and as far as I see, he's losing all his patience towards you because of your behavior. You really need to get professional help, and I say it again, not by meds, not by suicide, and not by alcohol. I understand that its really hard, but this way you only push other people out of your life, and making your own life even worse.
>>16938
I have to say it, because I see this way too much: Everybody needs love, care and attention. Every single human being. Just like children: If they don't get the parents attention, they will do bad things, like shitting on the carpet. Same with adults. But you have to learn what is a proper way, and what is not. For example, its a really bad way to get attention by hurting others. But if you just try to talk with them, and start caring about them, they will care about you too. Ofc not everybody, but some will do. Matty cares about you, thats why he said what he said. And thats why I'm writing these wall of texts.